i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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