My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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