a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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