I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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