is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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