One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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