I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We got so high we made milksteak
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
