The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
