I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
