Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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