The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
