I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
