How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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