If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
