well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
