Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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