sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
