I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
