Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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