According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
