Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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