he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
