like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
