I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
