Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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