It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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