Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
