You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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