I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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