I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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