I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
