The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
