All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
