No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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