all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
