still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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