I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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