so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
