i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
