wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
