I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
