I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
dude. I can hear the air.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
