I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
