This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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