he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
