woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
