I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
