how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
