so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
