Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
