this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
