btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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