walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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