I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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