he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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